Added Oct 10 2017
BREAKING NEWS!!! FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE...
From the Office of Mayor Wrong E. Manual
As a result of an intensive 10 year study from the University of Chicargo, the city council has voted for the immediate removal of all automobiles,vans, trucks or similar devices from within the city. The study clearly shows that 100% of all accidents involving injury to pedestrians and motorists or their passengers are associated with self powered motorized conveyances.Therefore, the only sound remedy is the removal of all such machines from our community.
Effective on December 1, 2017, any person possessing or operating an automobile, van, truck or similar device within the city limits will be arrested on felony one charges of willful pubic endangerment under the new municipal code (under home rule exception). There will be no second chance.
New transportation permits will be available for single or multiple horse, mule or bicycle drawn carriages at a rate varying from $50-200 per year. There will be an additional fine for failure to remove animal feces on the roadway of $50 per incident.
Because of their ability to exceed new speed limits of 10 MPH, genetically engineered transportation animals are forbidden and if suspected, a DNA sample will be taken. If found in violation, an additional fine of $1,000.
For those citizens requiring handicapped exemptions, rickshaw allowances may be granted upon full vetting and approval. Prevailing applicants must demonstrate they cannot walk from the corner of State and Madison to clerk's desk at city hall without having a heart attack or stroke.
Regardless of conveyance form, a city sticker priced at $500 per year will still be required for each axle of a conveyance.
Existing boot and impoundment ordinances will remain in force as modified for the new forms of conveyances.
Stay tuned for more details... LOL!