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Added Feb 06 2018

So I’m in that group of 20 something’s where half the people I know are getting married and the other half are still at home with parents pursuing career. Last year two close friends got married, to different people, not each other. Both events were out of state and I’m part of the group that is saving money at home with mom and dad. Being that my financial situation is strained I couldn’t attend either event. This May another friend is getting married out of state. I’m planning on doing my absolute best to make it. One of the recently married friends will be attending the same event. Here is the predicament: what is the appropriate very belated wedding gift? Also, I know it would be poor taste to give the belated gift while attending the upcoming wedding. Would it be best to send something before or after the event in May? Needless to say I’m on a budget, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  • Kisse Mad Scientist

    According to old-timey etiquette, you get a full year to give a wedding gift before it is considered belated.

    Never go off-registery unless you know them REALLY well. If the registry is picked clean since it has been some months, cash is king and always appreciated.

  • Orange is the new DEGENERATE

    The belated gift must come before you meet them.
    If not truth should rule and mention it while socializing BRIEFLY.
    Things happen in life and you don't need to explain your existence away.
    Any gift should always be accepted with Grace no matter when it arrives.

  • Thank you 606-gal. Big hug for me

    You have two options here.
    1) Best to send before strictly for peace of mind. Go with what’s on the registry first. Within YOUR budget. Don’t stretch out of guilt. If you had to travel that’s your expenses. Cash is totally acceptable, and needed if no registry items work for you.

    2) you technically have a calendar year for a gift not to be sent late. Wait one year for each and sleep well at night. Who cares if you see them before.

    There is a theme with each option above. YOUR peace of mind. I wouldn’t stray from anything I haven’t typed in this message.

    2b) If financially you have to do 18 months each when you are in a better position, both parties would understand. If it’s a problem, when you hit age 40, they won’t be in your life other than Instagram so who cares. Let us know what you decide

  • *from me

  • As others stated, you have a full year to give a gift, so the delay is not improper. If I were in your shoes, I would send a card with a gift card to a store from which you know they would buy something for the home. In the card, you could write something like, "Now that you are settled into marital bliss, I thought you would like to make a selection from (store name) to add to your home."

  • Great idea Anna. Hopefully she’s feeling better about this now. It will crush me if she is still uneasy about this. She shouldn’t be.

  • If these friends know you well then send something within your price range. Don't spend more than you can afford. If they are good friends, they will understand.

  • It's the thought that counts.
    My problem is that people have often been living together before marrying, so they already have pretty much all the basics they need.
    Your friends know your situation. Find something personal, something someone would have to know them to choose. It's about being thoughtful, not about formulas.

  • RPforlife

    Send it before so you dont have any uneasiness by seeing them ..and i would first look at the registry and if things are on there that you can't afford send them a $50 gift card..and if you buy the gift card at a store where they are registered you wont have to pay the 5.00 charge for purchasing it. Good luck girl..and honestly ..any gift is a good gift..👰🤵

  • RaleighsMa Not fauxraged but may contain typos.

    Write a nice note that you wish them all the best on their recent nuptials and send it as soon as you can get to it. If you're going to get them a belated gift anyway, there's no point in strategizing when to send it and waiting until May could have the potential of signaling to your recently married friends that you're only sending them a gift at or after the May wedding because you're feeling guilty, awkward or something else rather than a gift in celebration and congratulations.

    As for a suggestion now that you sound like you're a few months after-the-fact, send them a nicer picture frame for their wedding pictures that they should be getting back around this time. Home Goods, Nordstroms, Marshalls and a number of other places have lovely "wedding-y" frames at a good price. If they're really your friends, they'll appreciate the thought and a nice card and note over the perceived price tag.

    Best of luck.

  • The Hammer Telling it like it is!

    I learned from my great grandfather and grandfather and father, that it’s always best not to make friends.

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Posted to Rogers Park

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